Friday, September 18, 2015



Philip came home early today, and told me that he talked to Mark about a promised plane ride for Derek. They are doing it tomorrow!  I'm speechless!

If I haven't mentioned it already, Mark is a former Navy pilot, who gives lessons on the side at an airport about a half hour away.  He also takes kids and their parents for rides once in a while (for a price, but I think that he's doing us a favor on his day off).  I trust Mark, and I believe that he is an excellent pilot (not that I'd ever go up in the air with him), but this is my baby we're talking about!  This revelation has put me in full blown panic mode.  I think that I'm going to be sick!

Of course, Derek is very excited.  His mom?  Not so much.  I thought that the three of them had forgotten about the stupid idea, of which I put the kibosh on months ago--or so I thought--or I hoped that they would have forgotten it.  Now, I am stuck, just like in August, when they talked me into Mark taking him on a motorcycle ride.  Once again, I'm on the spot.  If I say no, I will solidify my standing as a worrisome, panic-stricken helicopter mom (that's me...nice to meet you).

I can't even bring myself to join them.  I can't watch my little guy get in that plane and  fly away from me--I just can't.  I'll just stay home, pray, or do some kind of calming exercise--like Yoga.  I'll probably throw up a couple of times as well--this news is doing wonders for my already tricky stomach.  I will not be relaxed until I see my boy walk in that door.

I just want to know how long those two idiots (Philip and Mark) have been cooking this up, and why didn't either one of them tell me before now?  I'm also wondering HOW in the world they have kept the secret from me.  They know how worried I get--well I guess that explains it.  They did not want to tell me.  Philip wanted to surprise Derek, and once Derek found out today, there was no turning back.

I have a feeling that SOMEBODY is in deep TROUBLE!

Saturday, September 12, 2015


Today was opening day of the soccer season.

Our little "not so natural", Derek, was back on the field chasing butterflies and his shadow all at once.  I think that's it's really cute, but I know that it drives Philip nuts to see his son get lost in the joy of being outside in the elements, rather than concentrate on exactly where the ball is.  He also misplayed a couple of balls which lead to goals for the other team, and did not play much in the game after that--warming the bench as usual.

Derek can't help himself, though.  It is the way that he is.  He has never really been excited about playing sports, because he's not very good at it, but is pushed into it because Philip thinks that it is important for him to be in a team situation.  I do not know if that is true.  He's already in the boy scouts, and the school choir, and I think that he has a good amount of peer interaction.  I really don't see how playing a sport that you are not very good at will help you become more popular.  Philip doesn't see it that way, and is determined to stick to his guns.

Maybe I'm too protective.  A friend of mine has told me so, and I trust his judgment, even if I do not agree with him.  He thinks that I baby Derek too much.  He has often said that Derek needs to get out there, get himself dirty once in a while, and not spend so much time on the computer or video games.  Should have known better than to ask him for his opinion, because I know how he thinks.  He's worse than Philip.  These guys always seem to stick together when it comes to the idea of toughening up the boys.

Well, at least Derek doesn't play football.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015


Derek had a great first day of second grade today.  He loves his new teacher, and met a new friend who sat next to him at lunch.  It's nice to see my son so happy.  Usually I dread September, because of Derek's struggles making friends, but I have a great feeling about this year--for both of us.  I hope that the smile on his face continues. 

While he was at school, I took care of the household chores that have been piling up.  It's amazing how much I have missed over the summer.  I worked my butt off today--did the Tuesday chores, but also Wednesday's chores as well.   

I worked hard today because I have a meeting tomorrow that I have been looking forward to,  and I do not want to miss it.  I will not be able to be home until right before Derek comes home,  but, I am well prepared because I made a lasagna ready to throw into the oven for dinner.  All will be finished by the time that Philip comes home from work.   I'm thinking ahead and back to the prepared Mom that I usually am.

By the way, I'm down 20.  I am happy about that and the days ahead.  I feel like I'm a new woman!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015


Philip is taking Derek out early tomorrow, and returning in the late afternoon. That means that it will be a free day for mom!  I don't have many of those, especially in the summer, so I am truly looking forward to it.

I really don't know what I'm going to do.  I really do want to relax, but first I was thinking of doing a little walk in the park after yoga  in the morning.  Maybe I'll ride my bike.  Then later, I'll sit in the backyard with a glass of lemonade and read a book.  It will be quiet enough to do that.  

One thing that I will definitely not do is house work.  Tomorrow, I'm going to be lazy, and think only of myself--for once.   No worries, no problems--all relaxation.  Can't wait.

Monday, August 24, 2015


I did not lose weight this week, in fact, I gained a pound.  I was one pound away from twenty, now I'm two pounds.  Maybe it was the amount of food that I made on Monday, or the brownies that I ate.  I had a lot to think about, and when I'm stressed, I eat.  When I think, I eat.  I am a stress eater.

Last night, I went for a walk to clear my head, and afterwards I became more determined than ever to get the bad feelings out of my head.  No more feeling sorry for myself.  I'm making a comeback!

I've been good today, and I'm planning on keeping it that way.  I'm back on track and everything is back to normal.  No more slip-ups!

Friday, August 21, 2015


I tried.  I swear to God, I tried.  Desperate times calls for desperate measures, so I tried.

I made his favorite food.  I put our son to bed early.  I tried to get his attention, but was rejected...again.  I don't know how much more my ego can take.  I'm mortified.

A half-hour ago, after he went to bed (IN THE GUEST ROOM), I was literally crying in the bathtub and praying for guidance.  Now, I'm sitting bleary-eyed in front of the computer, and I'm still miserable.   I wish that I had a husband that did not take me for granted--I really do.   I desperately need support from him so that my mind does not start to wander.  The problem is that I know exactly where to find the support I need, but it's not an option.  I wish it were that easy.

I'm wishing so many things at this point.  I'm close to the edge, and hoping that I will not fall.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


I'm going to a wedding tomorrow.  Philip's cousin Charlene is getting married, and we are leaving at about eleven in the morning.  With all that has been going on lately, I have forgotten the fact that I had to buy a new dress for the occasion.  Shopping for me has always been an all day nightmare.

So I dropped off Derek at Chloe's, and I went to the mall.  I went to my usual store, and to my surprise, it did not take long for me to find what I was looking for.  I brought it into the dressing room, but when I tried it on, it was TOO BIG!  Hooray!

It's funny that I didn't realize that losing fifteen pounds would make me have to try on ten different dresses (I should have brought Chloe with me to hand dresses over the door), but I was happy to run back and forth.  The usual shopping nightmare was a happy occasion, and I finally found the perfect dress.  It looks absolutely wonderful on my slimmer body.  

I haven't reached my goal weight yet, but yet I can't even describe how happy I am!  I feel like a new woman!  I can't wait to show off the new me!