I HAVE A FREE DAY COMING UP!

Philip is taking Derek out early tomorrow, and returning in the late afternoon. That means that it will be a free day for mom!  I don't have many of those, especially in the summer, so I am truly looking forward to it.

I really don't know what I'm going to do.  I really do want to relax, but first I was thinking of doing a little walk in the park after yoga  in the morning.  Maybe I'll ride my bike.  Then later, I'll sit in the backyard with a glass of lemonade and read a book.  It will be quiet enough to do that.  

One thing that I will definitely not do is house work.  Tomorrow, I'm going to be lazy, and think only of myself--for once.   No worries, no problems--all relaxation.  Can't wait.

AFTER A ROUGH WEEK, I'M BACK ON TRACK

I did not lose weight this week, in fact, I gained a pound.  I was one pound away from twenty, now I'm two pounds.  Maybe it was the amount of food that I made on Monday, or the brownies that I ate.  I had a lot to think about, and when I'm stressed, I eat.  When I think, I eat.  I am a stress eater.

Last night, I went for a walk to clear my head, and afterwards I became more determined than ever to get the bad feelings out of my head.  No more feeling sorry for myself.  I'm making a comeback!

I've been good today, and I'm planning on keeping it that way.  I'm back on track and everything is back to normal.  No more slip-ups!

I'M GETTING SICK OF FAILURE

I tried.  I swear to God, I tried.  Desperate times calls for desperate measures, so I tried.

I made his favorite food.  I put our son to bed early.  I tried to get his attention, but was rejected...again.  I don't know how much more my ego can take.  I'm mortified.

A half-hour ago, after he went to bed (IN THE GUEST ROOM), I was literally crying in the bathtub and praying for guidance.  Now, I'm sitting bleary-eyed in front of the computer, and I'm still miserable.   I wish that I had a husband that did not take me for granted--I really do.   I desperately need support from him so that my mind does not start to wander.  The problem is that I know exactly where to find the support I need, but it's not an option.  I wish it were that easy.

I'm wishing so many things at this point.  I'm close to the edge, and hoping that I will not fall.

WENT SHOPPING FOR A DRESS AND I'M DOWN A SIZE!

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow.  Philip's cousin Charlene is getting married, and we are leaving at about eleven in the morning.  With all that has been going on lately, I have forgotten the fact that I had to buy a new dress for the occasion.  Shopping for me has always been an all day nightmare.

So I dropped off Derek at Chloe's, and I went to the mall.  I went to my usual store, and to my surprise, it did not take long for me to find what I was looking for.  I brought it into the dressing room, but when I tried it on, it was TOO BIG!  Hooray!

It's funny that I didn't realize that losing fifteen pounds would make me have to try on ten different dresses (I should have brought Chloe with me to hand dresses over the door), but I was happy to run back and forth.  The usual shopping nightmare was a happy occasion, and I finally found the perfect dress.  It looks absolutely wonderful on my slimmer body.  

I haven't reached my goal weight yet, but yet I can't even describe how happy I am!  I feel like a new woman!  I can't wait to show off the new me!

MY TURN TO STEP UP

Mark is home from the hospital.  He had an accident a few days ago and totaled his motorcycle.  Thank God that he was wearing a helmet because it could have been much worse than concussion symptoms.

His mother is coming to stay with him for the week, but until then, we're going to look after him for two days (me and Derek).  I made him dinner and cleaned his house for when he came home.  God forbid it looked like that when his mother came over.  He is not exactly a neat nick.  I didn't think that anyone could eat so much pizza and still look like he does.

I'm glad to be able to help him out for a change.  Between the car repairs, rides home, and last second babysitting, this was the least that I could do.  Hopefully, he will be back to himself after the week is over.  Right now, he is not.  He is cranky and bored--like an overgrown baby.  He actually tried to talk me into letting him mow his lawn for some odd reason.  I told him that if I saw him out there, I would break both his arms.  He pouted, but he listened.  It's nice to have someone listen to me, for a change.

I DRANK A LITTLE TOO MUCH THE OTHER NIGHT

It's was Mom's night out. Me, Chloe, Theresa (and unfortunately Roberta and a couple of her friends).  I met them there because Philip had to work on Saturday, so I was a little late.  I was drinking iced tea--I swear.

We were at a popular place called the Landing, which is a restaurant in another town.  It is popular because it has a deck that overlooks the lake.  There was a band playing old classics in the corner of the deck and we were at a table out there, having a good time.  Then I saw a friend of mine show up with a date, and suddenly I was agreeing to take a shot from a pitcher that two young men had sent over for the table of rowdy women.  Big mistake.

I really do not remember much after that, although I am told that I had a good time.  I had to be driven home (obviously).

Sunday is pretty much a blur.  Philip's parents, sister, husband and extremely loud kids came over for Philip's birthday party.  Luckily, I was well prepared for that.   Sometimes being organized has its advantages.  It was a bit noisy, and I was so thankful when they left and I could finally call Chloe and find out what really happened the night before. 

Highlights:  She told me that I dropped by Mark's table and ruined his date (he was the friend with the date, and I don't remember doing that).  She also informed me that when it was time to leave, I was adamant that I was fit to drive.  She enlisted Mark (the cop) to convince me not to drive home.  He volunteered to drive the van, and his date followed in her truck.  Talk about embarrassing.

I tried my best to avoid running into Mark, and did not see him until today I went to the old age home.  I went to visit Frank and Mark was there visiting his grandfather who is--get this--Frank.  Small world, isn't it?  Frank was not in his room at the time, and as we waited and talked, I made sure that I apologized to Mark, and thanked him for making sure that I got home safe that night. 

Regarding Frank, there was something alarming that happened.  Frank has been getting a little confused, lately.  I saw it before, and today, Frank was nowhere to be found.  After a search, we found him in another room on another floor.  At first, he didn't know who I was, then later, he thought that I was Mark's wife. I found this very troubling, and I could see the concern in Mark's face.  I hope that isn't a sign of things to come.

ANOTHER TWO DOWN AND A NEW SUIT FOR THE BEACH

I lost another two lbs.  Yeah, Victoria!  

I just happened to get my new bathing suit in the mail from Land's End just in time.  It's a blue one-piece, and it looks terrific, I must admit.  I actually wore it without the over-sized t-shirt!  Well, I didn't actually flaunt myself.  I was talked in to taking off the so-called "hideous sunflower t-shirt".

This is the suit, not me (I wish)

Once on the beach, I managed to avoid the other women on the beach with their wine and cheese, and annoying children who love to pick on Derek.  Or they purposely did not see me, like I purposely did not see them.  I sat in my usual spot, pulled out a book, saw that Derek was having fun playing with some other kids, so I started to read.

I think that I started to doze off, but then heard a very familiar voice asking if he could sit down. I saw that it was Mark, and I was surprised to see him at the beach, but I said yes.  Thank God he didn't bring up the dinner fiasco.  I was happy about that.

Two minutes later (or was it seconds?), Roberta came jogging over like she was auditioning for Baywatch, and invited Mark over for wine and cheese (and oh yeah, me too).  To my surprise, and probably his as well, he politely declined saying something about working the late shift.  Roberta smiled (fakely--is that a word?), asked if he liked her skimpy bikini (he said he did--I wanted to puke at this point) and then bounced all the way back to the woman's meeting on the beach.  It really wouldn't have made a difference if he joined them or not because I was there alone to begin with, however, it was nice to know that he wouldn't dump me for a group of adoring women.  I think that he's growing up!

Then he busted my chops because I was wearing the over-sized beach t-shirt, and he hates when I wear them (I won't tell you how he said it, but it was back to the old Mark).  He said that I shouldn't cover up the fact that I've lost weight.  I was stunned, because I didn't think that he noticed that I've lost twelve pounds (nobody else seemed to notice).   

I actually asked him advice on how to get Philip's attention, and after rolling his eyes,  he intimated that Philip should be more worried about getting my attention, which made me laugh.  Then he said that I should walk around wearing the bathing suit, and that would definitely get Philip's attention.  I think that I may have blushed.